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5 Things Gianna and I Couldn't Live Without!

Alright expectant Mamas, I have a treat for you! Like I always say, I am not an expert; I am learning and growing with my little princess every day. As so many of my friends are expecting for the first time, and as I am expecting for a second time, memories keep flooding in my heart and mind of those early days, weeks and months with my daughter who is already over a year and a half! Here are 5 things that made life so sweet for Gianna and me "back in the day:" ;)

1. MY MOMMY!!!

Call me corny for showing this picture of me as a baby in my Mommy's arms, but there is something about becoming a new Mom that brings out the baby in you! You are vunerable, hormonal and...well a fish out of water basically! Who better to come to your rescue than your Mother? I was so blessed to have my Mom (who is retired) stay with us for the first 4-6 weeks. I learned so much from her and she was quick to take over, giving my husband and I a break. She even did things like look after our cat, take out the trash. Oh I could go on and on about this precious gem!!! If you are blessed enough to have your mother or a mother-like figure around, then be grateful and be sure to do something special for her once your feet hit the ground!

 

2. Boppy Pillow

Something so simple, yet so valuable. . . a Boppy Pillow!!! I truly don't know how people fed babies without them! Gone are the numb arms and cramps! Plus, your baby is able to get so comfortable! Not only can you use this God-send to feed (breast or bottle) your little one, you can also use it for tummy time and other developmental activities (Please see instructions that come with the pillow.).

 

3. Swing

I got teased to no end by my husband and mother for this one. Whenever they saw the picture of my dream swing, they broke out in laughter. I was told it looked like a spaceship, a rocket, you name it. I was also told it was unnecessary - they thought it was just a cute little item I added because it was purple and had frilly things on it. I kept trying to convince them that this swing would be a life-saver to us and that our newborn would sleep peacefully in it. So, my Mom bought it and trust me, it didn't take long for everyone to realize this Mama knew best! Be sure to check the reviews and safety recalls before purchasing a swing.

 

4. Bottle Warmer

Aaaahhh gone are the days where you stumble out of bed in the middle of the night to warm up a bottle on the stove! Just keep the reservoir filled with water, pop your bottle in, set the timer and watch magic happen!!! Of course you still need to test the temperature of the formula, or breast milk before feeding your little munchkin.

 

5 Pacifier

How can something so sweet, innocent and plain old adorable be so controversial? Some mothers are anti-pacifier, while others have a stock pile of the little suckers. I can only speak for myself and little Miss Gianna when I say, "Thank you Lord for pacifiers!!!" If you plan on not giving your child pacifiers, be sure to inform the hospital prior to delivery. Otherwise they will stick one in your baby's mouth practically straight out of the womb. Once that happens, good luck breaking your new little buddy out of that habit!

 



 

So I am sure none of these survival tools come as a surprise. Nonetheless, I hope I was able to give you some insight as to just how valuable each one is. Get ready for the most exciting journey of your life!!! Enjoy!

Mountaineers Are Always...Miserable???!!!

Whenever you think of West Virginia, what are some of the first things that come to mind? Aside from the stereotypes and crude jokes (both of which make me cringe), would you think that West Virginia is the most miserable state in America? With slogans like "Mountaineers are always free" and "Wild, Wonderful West Virginia," this may come as a surprise. I know it did for me and let me tell you why...

I was born and raised in the beautiful mountain state. My life was not a stereotype; it was a life of simplicity and contentment. I was blessed to be surrounded by family and friends who loved and supported me throughout my many endeavors, from my dance career, academic pursuits and everything in between.

Since growing up in West Virginia, I have lived in several different states along the east coast. What I continue to discover about myself is that the culture in which I grew up is much different than most, and no, I don't mean that most people have teeth and I don't!!! This has never become more clear than since I've become a wife and a mother. Never have I seen or experienced such fusses over weddings, baby showers and the like! Nope, not until I moved away from WV. Where I grew up, yes people celebrated these joyous occasions, but no matter how big or small the event was, the moment was all about celebrating the reason behind the event with those who mattered most to you.

Whenever I was preparing for Gianna's first birthday party, I quickly found myself sucked into the culture known as over-the-top! I felt that the expectations for the event were set by all of the other first birthday parties the guests had attended up to that point; and I know that I had attended some fancy ones! I had never heard of a smash cake until taking Gianna to a first birthday party! Now don't get me wrong.  I enjoyed every minute of preparation and celebration of my daughter's first birthday! I have absolutely no regrets. The main reason why I have no regrets is because although the party was much more than what I would have done back home before being exposed to such extravagant kiddie parties, I never lost sight of the purpose of the party - to celebrate our daughter's first year with the people who are a special part of her life.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I was absolutely shocked that West Virginia was the most miserable state in the country. The survey measured the physical and emotional well-being of its participants. Well, I may not have much to say about West Virginians' physical well being; my family does have a long history of health issues, such as diabetes and heart problems on both sides. However, I can say as far as emotional well-being is concerned, the West Virginians I grew up with were content people. I don't care if they were some of the "poorest" (by monetary standards), or some of the wealthiest people around, the people I grew up to know and love, live by a solid value system: Be thankful for what you have instead of complaining or worrying about what you don't have. We West Virginians value people, not things! We value spending time with the ones we love, not showing off to keep up with the Joneses. What does this have to do with being a Mommy, you might ask?

My daughter is the first grandchild on both sides. Oh my! That has the potential to cultivate a spoiled child who feels entitled to everything. NOT MY DAUGHTER!!! I enjoy blessing her with gifts and "things" from time to time, but the biggest blessing I want to bestow upon my child is the blessing of knowing what truly matters in life - knowing you are loved and showing love to others! I don't show her love by purchasing a bunch of stuff. Instead I spend quality time with her, sharing the morals and values I was raised on. We laugh together, play together and those precious moments where my daughter looks into my eyes and says, "I love you" are PRICELESS! It didn't take a fancy party for her to feel a deep love for her mother in her precious little  heart!

So long story short, I highly disagree with this survey. We West Virginians may not be the healthiest or wealthiest people around, but we sure do have our priorities in the right place by golly! ;)


“The real issue in life is not how many blessings we have, but what we do with our blessings. Some people have many blessings and hoard them. Some have few and give everything away.” - Mister Fred Rogers

Music Videos Inspired by "LEAVE MY DAUGHTER'S HAIR ALONE!!!"

Hello everyone!!! WOW! I have been so humbled and blessed by the HUGE response from all of you regarding my last blog, "LEAVE MY DAUGHTER'S HAIR ALONE!!!" Just like I thought, so many of you - black, white, and everyone in between - could relate to what my daughter and I have experienced. Both males and females had stories to share with me that reinforced what my heart was telling me all along...this story needs to be told so that we can all exhale, heal, hold our heads up high and move on!

I am posting two videos that are connected with this topic. Thank you, Patricia Ebony Queen Webb for reminding me of this fabulous song titled, "I Am Not My Hair" by India.Arie featuring Akon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_5jIt0f5Z4&feature=kp

The next video comes from the classic children's show "Sesame Street." The song is called "I Love My Hair," and oh do I wish this song existed whenever I was a little girl!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enpFde5rgmw

It's so nice to see we have resources like this to empower our youth to look beyond the exterior and instead focus on nurturing and developing their spirit, intelligence and compassion. Take care and stay tuned for more inspiring and enlightening blog posts!

LEAVE MY DAUGHTER'S HAIR ALONE!!!

Ok, so when writing about this topic, I thought to myself, "This is probably geared more towards African American mothers and their daughters." However, I think all mothers can relate to the superficiality of today's society so here it goes...

I am so beyond sick and tired of people having something to say about my daughter's hair! It both saddens and sickens me that there is so much attention placed on black girls' hair and starting at such a young age! When people see my daughter, one of the first things some of them say has something to do with my precious angel's hair. I hear comments like, "Woo look at that head," "Oh Gianna your curls are getting tight," "Have you done her hair?" and on and on. The absolute worse is whenever people want to take over by grabbing a comb or offering their own! UNBELIEVABLE! SHE'S NOT EVEN 2 YEARS OLD!!!

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with my daughter's hair. Newsflash...she's an African American child, so yes she has "tight curls." What a travesty! In addition to being black, she's a toddler. I know, big shocker, right?! She will play and get messy, so don't be surprised if her hair isn't always perfectly in tact. I mean, what kind of society are we living in that people would be so concerned about a toddler's hair?!

Dealing with this topic the past year and a half has forced me to reflect on two things: Chris Rock's documentary "Good Hair" (I highly recommend you watch it!) and Olympic Gold Medalist Gabby Douglas. I watched Chris Rock's documentary and it brought back so many personal memories that led to tears streaming down my face. Yes, I was one of those girls that had "nappy" hair. My Mom used a hot comb to try to straighten it out, leaving me scarred (literally) and terrified. Bless her heart. She didn't mean any harm. She was just trying to do something with "that head" that would be deemed acceptable and under control.

This hot comb phase left her so exhausted and frustrated that she sent me off to the hair salon to get the latest and easiest do...a Jheri Curl!!! Dear God was I tormented. Not at first though. You see, I grew up in a predominantly white town so everyone thought this was my "natural" look...that is until I went to middle school and was joined by more black students who knew exactly what I was rockin'. I was teased, ridiculed, bullied and tormented by my peers. What's so sad is that some of them called themselves my friend. It wasn't long before I went home crying to my Mom, begging her to take me to the salon to get a relaxer (straightens black hair). I've suffered bad relaxers to the point that my hair has fallen out. I've worn wigs and weaves, you name it. Why??? Although I didn't realize it at the time, I guess my goal was to fit in with society's perception of "beauty" and the "norm."

Then there was the Gabby Douglas fiasco. Funny because I was 9 months pregnant with Gianna and due any day whenever Gabby took the world by storm in the 2012 Summer Olympics. I was rooting for her and the rest of her teammates. I was so proud of her and what she accomplished. You would think America would be proud too; and they were. Most of them were I should say. Guess who her biggest critics were...African American females!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!! It gets crazier. What were some of them (not all) critical of you might ask? Not her athletic skills. Not even her costumes or something she said. They were critical of her hair! What a shame! There was NOTHING wrong with Gabby's hair! At first, Gabby's mother felt the need to come out and explain the appearance of her daughter's hair, but it didn't take long for her to wake up and realize that she raised an Olympian with a beautiful spirit and there was nothing to apologize for nor to explain.

Let me end this rant by giving you two definitions:

Hair: any of the numerous, fine usually cylindrical, keratinous filaments growing from the skin of humans and animals

Beauty: the quality present in a thing or a person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations, a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest)

My prayer for my daughter is that she obtains "high spiritual qualities." I want her to have a beautiful spirit that lights up a room and moves hearts. I want her to know not just who she is, but whose she is (a daughter of the Most High God). Don't worry. As a devoted and caring mother, I always have and will continue to nurture and care for her, seeing to it that she receives the best care physically, emotionally and beyond. She will look presentable and carry herself well. However, my child will NOT define who she is by the appearance of her hair, or as the definition puts it: filaments growing from the skin that covers humans and animals! Peace!

Five Indoor Activities to Do with Your Toddler!!!

Ok, so if you live in the northeast like me, I'm sure you are starting to get a serious case of cabin fever. The winter storms show no signs of stopping! Are you running out of things to do with your toddler? Well Gianna and I have come to your rescue! Here are some activities Gianna and I have been exploring and I must say we are having a winter blast!

 



1. CRAFTS
Whether you are a professional artist, artistically challenged (like yours truly) or anything in between, crafts are an easy indoor activity to do with your toddler! With Pinterest on the scene among other resources, craft ideas are super easy to find; you do not have to be "creative" by making something from scratch. Be sure to have your basic craft supplies on hand (i.e. construction paper, scissors, glue, fuzzy pom poms, googly eyes, shimmer sticks, markers and crayons). Valentine's Day is quickly approaching so why not make some Valentine's crafts to give to family members? It's a fun and inexpensive way to show someone you care! I found all of the craft ideas from above on Pinterest. We added our own little twists to them and "Ta Da!" as Gianna would say!

 

2. BOOKS

What better way to strengthen your child's language skills and entertain him/her than to read some awesome books?! Gianna and I love reading time! She helps me turn the pages and even "reads" to me sometimes. We've been reading winter-themed books to stay in the seasonal spirit.

 



 

3. DANCE

We live in a day and age where you can get music at the tap of your iPad. I am a subscriber to Pandora Radio. I have a "Baby Einstein" station saved and we let the good times roll! Just freestyle with your child or take this opportunity to do more organized movement activities. Just be sure to be safe and remove any potential hazards out of the way so you and your tot have plenty of room to move and groove. One organized movement activity Gianna and I do is easy to set-up and a great way to work on gross motor skills. I blow up a couple of balloons and play classical music. I encourage Gianna to move "softly" with the balloons whenever the music is soft and move more aggressively, but safely, as the music gets loud.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. APPS/YOU TUBE

I have a neat collection of children's apps on my iPad and Gianna absolutely loves them! Thanks to some of these learning apps, Gianna can now identify a handful of animals (courtesy of Baby First) and so much more! I also have a children's Bible app by You Version that is phenomenal! It incorporates engaging animation with kid-friendly storytelling techniques. Because of this app, Gianna calls my iPad "Bible." In addition to apps, You Tube is another great resource for learning activities. I have created a "Gianna Playlist" so that all of her songs are easily accessible. She sings along to songs about numbers, the alphabet, colors, shapes and more. I even have a cool song by Elmo about brushing your teeth. I play it every morning while Gianna brushes her teeth and I can see an improvement in how she cleans her little pearly whites!

 

 

5. DRAMATIC PLAY

When it comes to entertaining your toddler there is nothing like some good old fashioned playtime! You can make this as extravagant or as laid back of an event as you want. Dress up in your finest and have tea time or make some capes and become your child's favorite super hero! Children thoroughly enjoy having their parents play with them. Enjoy these moments to the fullest!

 

So there you have it folks! Our toddlers won't stay this age forever! Next thing you know, they'll be taking the keys to your car to go to the mall and hang out with their friends, so seize these precious moments! It will bring out the child in you and bring you closer to your little one!

 

*Have more ideas? Please share them in the comments section!

 



 







Can Women Have It All? A Woman Who's Been There, Done That Says...NO!!!

 

Aaahh maternity leave. Oh how I remember those days of bonding with my little angel and learning the ropes, little by little. Watching my daughter's every move opened my heart to the miraculous moments that seem so small, yet are signs of a little life growing before your very eyes. Then BOOM! It happened. My 12 weeks of bliss were over. Soon I was to realize the harsh reality that most mothers face - juggling motherhood and a career.

 

I had nightmares prior to my first day back on the job. One in particular had me in a cold sweat. Picture it: A cold, raining day in November. It's my first day back in my classroom, a classroom I didn't decorate and students I did not know because my maternity leave started in the summer. I oversleep, waking up in sheer panic. "WHAT DO I WEAR?! Great! Now everyone is going to think I really don't have it together! I CANNOT do this Mommy and career thing!" So I throw on one of my school t-shirts and some work pants. My car wouldn't start so I start my 20 mile marathon run (in the rain) to my school. I arrive at 9:30am (teachers are to arrive by 7:45am at the latest) and I am greeted by my 2 principals (who just so happen to be men). They look less than amused and had been angrily awaiting my arrival.

 

Ok, so that was the dream. The reality went something like this: My principals are great family guys who are more than understanding and supportive of my growing family. The substitute teacher had done an amazing job of preparing the students academically and socially. I arrived to a dream classroom environment and barely missed a beat...BUT I was miserable! I missed my little princess in ways that I couldn't put into words. I cried during my planning and lunch breaks and couldn't help but think, "What am I doing? I am spending time with other people's children and missing out on precious moments with mine!" There was the guilt. There was the stress of juggling so many balls. There was just plain confusion in my heart and mind. You see, I had been a career woman up to that point. I was super ambitious and had grandiose plans of moving up the educational ladder at lightening speed. At the same time, I also had a deep desire to become a mother. All was going as planned until I gave birth. Reality indeed set in and I quickly came to know myself in a way I had never known before. Being a mother was my top job, at least that's what I felt deep in my heart.

 

So let's fast-forward to today. I am a mother of one child with another in the oven. I am working from home as an online instructor and a writer. And as for my career in education? I still have a deep passion for it. However, I cannot see myself moving up that ladder until my children are in school themselves and I have laid a solid academic, social, emotional and spiritual foundation for them. Would I say I have it all? Well, when it comes to having my beautiful family and the "dream" career I had crafted many years ago, the answer is "No" and that is more than ok with me! 

 

There was definitely sacrifice involved in me being where I am today, and I am not alone. Ann-Marie Slaughter became the first woman director of policy planning at the State Department under then Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton, and that job came at a great price. Check out this excerpt from her article "Why Women Can't Have It All:"

 

Eighteen months into my job as the first woman director of policy planning at the State Department, a foreign-policy dream job that traces its origins back to George Kennan, I found myself in New York, at the United Nations’ annual assemblage of every foreign minister and head of state in the world. On a Wednesday evening, President and Mrs. Obama hosted a glamorous reception at the American Museum of Natural History. I sipped champagne, greeted foreign dignitaries, and mingled. But I could not stop thinking about my 14-year-old son, who had started eighth grade three weeks earlier and was already resuming what had become his pattern of skipping homework, disrupting classes, failing math, and tuning out any adult who tried to reach him.

 

She ended up walking away from that job after 2 years of service to return to her more "Mom-friendly" position as a tenured  professor at a prestigious university. According to Slaughter, the average woman cannot have it all. The way she bluntly puts it is, “the women who have managed to be both mothers and top professionals are superhuman, rich, or self-employed.”

In order for women to have both a flourishing career and a strong presence in the home, the following needs to take place according to Ann-Marie Slaughter:

1. I've Got This: Women need to have the ability to set their own schedule on the job.

2. Changing the culture of face time: In other words, society needs to re-think the you need to be "in the office" mentality and instead offer more opportunities to utilize technology, such as teleconferencing and e-mailing, so that women, and men, can work from home more often.

3. Revalue family values:  In the article, Slaughter compares what a boss thinks of his employee who runs marathons as a hobby compared to another employee who's primary gig outside the office is to care for her children. She sites that the discipline, organization and endurance that it takes to care for children is often overlooked and therefore undervalued in our society.

4. Redefine the arc of a successful career: The metaphor of "climbing the ladder" is often used whenever discussing the rise and goal of one's career. Ann-Marie Slaughter challenges that though process and proposes that "women should think about the climb to leadership not in terms of a straight upward slope, but as irregular stair steps, with periodic plateaus (and even dips) when they turn down promotions to remain in a job that works for their family situation; when they leave high-powered jobs and spend a year or two at home on a reduced schedule; or when they step off a conventional professional track to take a consulting position or project-based work for a number of years." She uses the high profile example of First Lady Michelle Obama who was a successful career woman in her own right prior to her husband becoming President of the United States. However, she made it clear that her role for his term(s) as president would be "Mom-in-Chief." It is almost certain that she will return to some type of career once her family leaves the White House and her daughters move on to college.

5. Rediscovering the pursuit of happiness: Women need to come to grips with what they really want. Women also need to take the time to seek a healthy balance in their lives in order to make sure they are not missing out on those precious moments with their child or children.

6. Employers need to get with the program: Slaughter points out that “organizations with more extensive work-family policies have higher perceived firm-level performance” among their industry peers.

 

The article goes much more in depth and I highly encourage each of you to read it. Please let me know what you think! I want to hear about your personal experiences with this subject matter. In the meantime, I will continue to be that happy-go-lucky Christian girl who believes that all things work together for our good. I firmly believe whenever your values are in the right place, you may have to make sacrifices, but ultimately God will bless and provide in ways that will exceed your wildest dreams. I am hopeful that that will be the case, not only for me, but for you as well!

 

"Why Women Can't Have It All" By Ann-Marie Slaughter

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/?single_page=true#comments

 

 

 



 

What Do We Expect from Our Children???

"Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." - Proverbs 22:6

Not too long ago I was at a holiday function with my husband and our then 16 month old daughter. She was chatting it up (just like her Mommy), whenever someone made the following comment: "Just wait until she starts saying cuss words." Really???!!! I mean seriously???!!!

I'm sure my facial expression said it all and what my expression didn't say, my mouth quickly revealed. "Oh she's not going to cuss." I said firmly and in a tone that could be considered arrogant. The person quipped, "Oh yes she will. She'll hear it on TV or hear you saying it and it will just come out of her mouth." No, no, no!!!

I've been meditating on this moment ever since. I am a 32, almost 33, year old woman who has NEVER cussed at or in front of my parents, grandparents or any other elders. In fact, my brother and 1st cousins have NEVER cussed at or in front of any of the previously mentioned people. Now, I am not saying we are innocent little angels - quite the opposite. We're not perfect and we sin like everyone else. We ARE human...BUT we are human beings who were raised to respect ourselves and our elders!

I don't even recall a moment when my mother or grandmother explicitly said, "Do not cuss at us or anyone else." I just remember the overall theme, respect! And that is EXACTLY how I have been raising my daughter!

You know what? Children will rise to the occasion - for better or for worse. They will meet whatever expectation you set for them. I know this as both a mother and a teacher. They only  know what you teach them and expose them to. Children don't come out of the womb dropping the F bomb! Are you kidding me? A child who does that has learned two things: 1. the word and 2. that it is acceptable to say. I say this without passing judgment. I say this as a mother who is on a mission to raise a God-fearing, God-loving human being who respects herself and others.

Our society is littered with disrespectful behaviors that are deemed "the norm" and "acceptable." I've heard some parents say, "I don't teach my children to say yes ma'am or yes sir. You don't hear anyone talking like that these days." Well you make the choice in how you parent and don't be surprised whenever those choices come back to you in the form of karma - good or bad.

Yes, there are parents who raised their children to be respectful, productive adults, and things didn't turn out quite the way they expected. Due to reasons and influences beyond their control, their children have lost their way. However, I am here to tell you that those people should NEVER lose hope. I've made plenty of mistakes, poor choices that could have gotten me in a heap of trouble if not for the grace of God. But as a 32 year old woman I can honestly tell you that I could always hear and/or see my mother and grandmother uttering those wise words they had always shared, and ultimately, I go back to those teachings and examples they set for me. Like the scripture says, "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it" (Proverbs 22:6) . As a parent in the 21st century you can choose to go the way of the world or choose to go the way of your heart. Whichever route you take, do me a favor: raise your children; do not let society raise them for you!!!



WELCOME!

Hello and welcome to my blog! I am a blessed mother to one precious angel and another one on the way. As a 32 year old wife and mother, I am constantly finding myself in the midst of some "Ah ha" moment. At other times, I'm just plain old confused and need the guidance of other mothers. Then there are those moments when a Mommy just needs to vent; not necessarily about her child, but more about the ridiculous stuff that flies out of people's mouths! Let me make this clear - I am not claiming to be some motherly expert! Quite the contrary! I am, like all of us mothers, a work in progress and enjoying the journey! So please don't just read the blogs (BUT PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE READ THEM AND SPREAD THE WORD!); I want you to be an active participant! Please post comments and no, I am not afraid of hearing from people who have an opposing opinion to mine. So let's do this Mommy thing together and have some fun in the process! :)